The start of a new school year can bring a lot of joy and excitement for children and families. To make the most of this time, it’s important for co-parents to work together on how they’re going to handle the new year. Below are five tips for co-parents during this school year to avoid potential conflicts and ensure your child feels supported.
- Extracurriculars / School Functions
You and your co-parent should try to agree on what extracurricular activities your child will participate in to help avoid conflict. Make a schedule of all activities so you’re aware of where your child will be and when. Plan ahead when transportation is needed and try to work together, if possible, to share the transport for your child to events so they feel equally supported and uplifted in their activities.
School engagements, like a school play or a jazz band concert, can be important to your child’s development. It’s important to remember not to turn these functions into a battleground between you and your co-parent. When appropriate, attempt to work with your co-parent to attend school functions together to show support for your child. If this is not possible, try to let your child know which parent will be attending what events and ensure there is no impression that the other co-parent did not want to attend. In addition to agreeing on what activities your child participates in, co-parents should also discuss and agree how any activity expenses will be paid.
- Unreimbursed Expenses
There are many expenses that come up – and add up – during the school year. Your child’s clothing, transportation, food, and other items are included in you and your co-parent’s child support award, but there are many things that are not, such as extracurricular activity costs. If you do not have a formal agreement in your custody order or divorce decree addressing this, talk to your co-parent about what is needed and who will buy what. It may be helpful to estimate what each item will cost, set a budget together, and split the total cost or for both parents to be involved in what is being purchased, which can often make it easier for the co-parents to contribute their share to the overall cost of the supplies and equipment. This will also work to avoid both duplicative purchases and your child needing to decide which parent to ask for gear, outfits, and the like.
Sometimes, situations arise where a co-parent believes they should not be responsible for a certain expense that he or she believes could have been avoided, such as out of network therapy costs for a child where one parent did not get to participate in deciding who the child will see. Parents with joint legal custody have a legal right to participate in making these types of decisions, and if they do not feel like they have an appropriate say in the decisions being made, they should talk to an attorney about their options.
- Parenting Time Schedule
Some co-parents are able to keep a flexible parenting time schedule, arranging visits and time based on parents’ work schedules, the children’s activity and work schedules, and other factors. Flexibility is important, but so, too, is consistency and predictability. It’s important for your child to know where they’re supposed to be going at the end of every school day so they can plan for extracurricular activities, school functions, and time with friends. This consistency will also help your child know which co-parent to ask for permission when they’d like to attend an event or activity on a certain day of the week.
Co-parents with joint custody should discuss and agree upon who will bring their child to and from school and extracurriculars and on what days. Both parents should have a copy of the bus schedule and/or the carpool schedule in an easily accessible place. It’s often prudent, too, for co-parents to agree on using the same bedtime at both households. This structure will ensure your child is getting enough sleep and has more consistency in his/her day-to-day, despite spending time with each parent.
- Sharing School Information
When parents have joint legal custody, they are required to cooperate and agree on important questions related to the child’s education, health, and religious upbringing. In Minnesota, even if you do not have legal custody of your child, you still have the right to receive information about their education. Upon request, a noncustodial parent has the right of access to, and to receive copies of, school records and information, to attend conferences, and to be informed about the child’s welfare, educational progress, and status, as authorized under Minnesota Statutes Section 518.17, subdivision 3. The school is not required to hold a separate conference for each parent. Both parents can obtain this information from the school, but it’s often easier if you share this information with your co-parent. Try using a shared folder on Google Drive to share notes from a teacher, report cards, homework, and pictures.
- Changing Schools
A situation may arise where one parent would like to change where the child attends school. This may cause conflict between parents. Though a parent may have sole legal custody and the ability to make major decisions regarding their child’s education and welfare, they should talk to an attorney about switching their child’s school and the parenting time implications that may result from the change. In cases where parents share joint legal custody, they often need to agree where their child attends school. Talk to an attorney about your options. If one party does not agree with switching schools, there are a number of different avenues to consider which would help co-parents communicate effectively and attempt to come to an agreement without going back to court – mediation often being one of them.
Blethen Berens Family Law Services
The Blethen Berens family law team has over 50 years of experience and understands the sensitive nature of family law practice. We have extensive experience in working with a wide variety of family law areas such as dissolutions, pre- and postnuptial agreements, adoption, paternity, custody, child support, spousal maintenance (alimony), post-dissolution and other issues related to family law. We also provide family law mediation and other alternative dispute resolution services. Schedule a consultation today to speak with one of our experienced attorneys at 507-233-3900.
